Emily Prentiss, International Super Sleuth
by sparkletasia
Summary: Emily is a woman on a mission. Armed with only her phone, she’s determined to get to the bottom of a couple of mysteries floating around the bullpen. How did Reid’s date go? What’s up with Rossi? Most importantly, who stole her salad?
1. What Not To Date & Strauss’s Suspicions

_a/n- Hello guys and girls! This is something I started a long time ago, forgot about, and recently came back to and edited. I have the first three chapters written, which is good because it means by the time I have to start writing for this story, BAU: Lost in London should be all wrapped up. Also, just a thank you to all the adorable people at the CBS forums who really encouraged me to put this up. They're all total sweethearts! So yes, this is a funny little tale about what happens at work when the team don't have a case. Please let me know what you think! _

**Emily Prentiss, International Super Sleuth**

_**Emily is a woman on a mission. Armed with only her phone and texting abilities, she's determined to get to the bottom of a couple of mysteries floating around the bullpen. How did Reid's date go? What's up with Rossi? Most importantly, who stole her salad? So much to find out and so little time, all while surviving what might be the world's most boring Health and Safety seminar.**_

**1. What Not To Date & Strauss's Suspicions**

So, I'd had a date the night before. It was bad. I am talking _majorly_ bad. I am talking the kind of guy who was so narcissistic, creepy, manipulative, and downright greasy that he'd practically fallen out of the 'What Not To Date' manual that Garcia had written for me and had Morgan illustrate. Yes, apparently I require one of these. Although I've got to admit, it's been pretty helpful.

Anyway, the night before had been disastrous, and had ended with me handing the waiter my share of the bill, and slipping out of the backdoor to escape. Thank god it wasn't the bathroom window this time, which just never ends well. Scraped knees and all that. _So, _to summarise before I ramble further, the date sucked and I escaped back to my apartment, consulted the manual, vowed never to disobey it again, decided that this was my last blind date ever, and went to bed. Sucky night or not, this girl's still got to get up for work, right?

The alarm went; I dragged myself out of bed, showered, downed ungodly amounts of caffeine etc, and rushed to the office. Bang on time, as usual. I may never manage to make it anywhere early, but at least I'm never late, that's for sure. I slid into my desk, and was greeted by Reid throwing a file to me, Frisbee-style. On it was a little post it note with 'Prentiss: Must try harder' scrawled in the good doctor's handwriting. Damn, guess Morgan's new system for slipping files into Reid's stack wasn't working. Worth a shot though!

I was about to apologise via a paper airplane when the Strauss walked in. Deciding that text was probably a better way to go, I tapped one out and sent it.

**[PRENTISS]** _Sorry! Can't believe you busted us, Morgan thought the new system was bulletproof._

**[REID]** _The new system was blatantly obvious, and Morgan needs acting lessons. I walked in on him trying to plant the offending items in my drawer, and he told me that he was checking for fire ants._

I winced as I read it. Well that had to be Morgan's worst lie ever. It was possibly just the worst lie ever, Morgan's or not. I _knew _I should have been the one to put the stupid files in the drawer. You see, we've finally worked out Reid's filing system (trust me; you don't want me to explain it. Advanced Calculus is easier to fathom) and so we revelled in our new ability to offload work without begging. Except now our cover was blown, the secret was out, the chicken had leapt out of the bag and the cat had flown the coop.

**[PRENTISS]** _Note to self, never let Morgan lie. Ever. Especially not to a profiler._

**[REID]** _You're telling me, he spent the entire sentence trying not to giggle._

**[PRENTISS]** _Strauss is giving us the hairy eyeball. Back to work!_

Our beloved director had become increasingly suspicious of the phone use in the bullpen. I mean, she was right on the money to be fair; we were using them to talk to each other. This was a recent development, and was due to Garcia (unwillingly) informing us that the bureau's 'techsperts' could, and often did, go through our emails.

After we'd all finished threatening legal action, we stopped sending emails for anything other than strictly professional purposes. However, it left a gap. Between the cases, there's a whole lot of paper work around here, and sometimes you need insane and/or idle chatter to make it through. So Garcia (feeling bad about the email incident) dug around online and hooked us all up with this sweet unlimited texts contract. Hence the rising amount of phone usage and Strauss's rising suspicions.

Half an hour or so later, I felt my little black phone buzz in my jacket pocket.

**[MORGAN]** _Did Hotch get us out of that seminar?_

**[PRENTISS]** _Shit, I forgot about that. I have no idea?_

**[MORGAN] **_Man, I hope so. I can't believe we'd have to sit through it again; we've already done the damn thing._

I looked up to see Hotch beckoning to us all into his office.

**[PRENTISS]** _Guess we'll find out now._

I quickly sent my reply, and all three of us walked over to Hotch's office.

"Anyone have any idea what this is about?" Reid muttered to me.

I looked up at him. "Seminar." I replied simply, and none too joyfully. He groaned in response, the seminar was now infamous around these parts.

"The Health and Safety one, from last month?"

Morgan nodded. "The very same." He answered dryly. Reid rolled his eyes in response.

Personally, I completely seconded that motion. Who kept coming up with these idiotic things? It was an afternoon completely wasted; you sat there and let them tell you things that anyone with even an iota of common sense already knows.

We were joined by the other three along our travels, JJ, Garcia and Rossi.

"Seminar?"

"The one and only."

"Doesn't look like any of us are getting out of it."

"Personally, I'm excited!" We all turned to stare at Garcia in disbelief. Yes, she was perky and more then a tad eccentric, but this was taking the whole 'kooky' angle a bit too far.

"...Sarcasm guys. Jeez, call yourselves profilers?" Morgan gave her a playful swipe on the arm, and chuckling, we entered Hotch's office.

The room was fairly large, and extremely neat (not, for instance, like a certain agent's that I could mention. Just saying'. No names. Definitely mentioning no names here... _JJ_. A couple of small children and several woodland creatures have entered her office and never been seen again), but not in an obsessive way. Very tasteful, a couple of awards are hung on the wall, and his desk has one picture of Jack in a plain frame.

Hotch was waiting for us, and he didn't look like he was about to hand us bags of lollipops and rainbow kittens.

Rossi grimaced. "We're taking the course, aren't we?"

Hotch gave us an apologetic look, and it was then that I knew how we were spending the afternoon. Crap. I'd been hoping to use it to finish up my file on the Allen case, but I was pretty sure that I could kiss that idea a sweet goodbye.

"I'm sorry, I tried. I explained several times that you'd all completed it last month, but apparently they've added half an hour of new material. I asked if you could just attend the last half an hour, but apparently that's not acceptable. I know you've all got better things to do, but I just don't see a way around it. I ask that you attend, and pay attention to the last half hour."

"Not the rest of it?"

"Do as you see fit. Just... _quietly_. We already have something of a reputation around here, try not to add to it?"

We all nodded, and headed back to try and get some work done, seeing as this afternoon was a write off. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. At least I'd get to go home on time!


	2. Shooting Up Coffee & Dating Discussion

_A/N- Hello! Sorry it's been a little while, I'm working on another project and trying to get through the next chapter of Lost in London (which apparently just doesn't want to be written) so that slid this to the sidelines for a bit. Luckily I still have pre-written chapters! Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, I truly appreciate it. I do try to reply to all my reviews. P.S Thank you to Falc who helped me out with some grammatical and spelling errors. Cheers, man! P.P.S Also thanks to Stef for helping me Americanise the chapter._

**2) Shooting Up Coffee & Dating Discussion**

The morning flew by in a most unhelpful fashion, meaning that I didn't get my report finished in time. I decided that drastic measures were required and sacrificed my half hour for lunch to the cause. Finally, it was done, and with ten minutes of golden freedom left. I saved, printed, and practically threw it in my drawer, before almost sprinting to the kitchen.

Reid and JJ were holed up in there, clutching mugs of coffee like they were life support. They nodded in greeting, so after I put the coffee pot on and yanked my pasta salad from the fridge, I joined them.

"So, how were both your weekends?" Waiting for them to answer, I began shovelling down food in what I'm sure was a most pleasing and attractive sight. I had eight minutes of break left, and no time whatsoever to be ladylike.

"Took Henry to the park, attempted to feed the ducks."

"Attempted? How hard is it?"

"Pretty hard when he decides to eat all the bread." I snickered; JJ was always regaling us with tales of her mischievous (yet utterly adorable) son.

"Sounds good! How was yours Reid? Do anything particularly wild and crazy?"

"Actually, I uh, I had a date."

I looked at JJ, who was in turn staring at me. Unanimously, we swivelled to gawp at Reid.

"Sit." We ordered the blushing genius. He sat, and looked at the floor.

"Spill."

This was most curious; I hadn't heard Reid mention a girl since the Austin debacle. I mean, those two really had something going for a while, but distance is a bitch. I think they still send the odd email, but nothing major. Looking up, I realised that while I'd been lost in my own thoughts, Reid had scarped.

JJ shook her head. "I've got to go grab some stuff from my office before this seminar thing. But don't worry," she slipped me a wink "we'll get it out of him later."

I chortled and waved, left with my lunch for company. Yum. Five minutes and a few delicious mouthfuls later, and Morgan stuck his head round the door.

"Prentiss, we're all heading downstairs now. Coming?"

I groaned, looking at my unfinished container. "Can I at least bring a snack?"

Morgan shrugged. "Guess so. Hide it in your bag, and let's roll."

"Do you reckon I can bring coffee?"

Morgan laughed. "The only reason most people will be staying awake in this thing is due to practically shooting up coffee during it, even the people _doing_ the damn talk. I think you'll be okay to bring it. Now we've really got to go, we're going to be late."

"Lead on, Macduff."

As we headed down to the hall, where they usually addressed Academy recruits, Rossi passed us. His face was grave, and he- it was odd, almost as though he couldn't see or hear us.

"What's his problem?"

"No idea. Garcia's saving us seats at the back if we hurry though." I hurried. Given that I had no intention of paying the slightest bit of attention to this whole shebang, I really didn't want to sit at the front.

The hall was jammed with various unhappy agents, with the exception of the select few who were sitting at the front, poised to take notes. Resisting the urge to throw something at them, I followed Morgan, who was headed to where Garcia's blonde, blue and bubblegum pigtails beckoned us. Sliding in beside her, she pointed out Reid and JJ, who were one row in front and several seats to the right, then Hotch and Rossi (who was still looking very strange), seated three rows almost directly in front of us.

"Hey, did Reid tell either of you how his date went?"

Garcia gaped. "Date? Who? Where? When?" I guess that answered my question in that case. I peered at Derek.

"Morgan, what do you know?" He looked at me all innocent, before giving me a lazy Cheshire grin.

"Nope. You won't get me to reveal my man's secrets." I sighed, and Garcia pouted. Before we had the chance to press him for more information, the lights dimmed, and a woman in a brown suit took the platform. She droned on in a spectacular monotone for a little while, and explained that we would be watching a short presentation.

_I've already seen it, and it was boring enough the first time! _ I inwardly screamed. What was it Hotch said? Do as you see fit. Quietly.

I could be quiet. Very quiet. Slowly (and quietly) I took out my phone. I (quietly) began to type a text.

**[PRENTISS]** Hey Reid. Care to share yet?

**[REID**] Not really, but I get the feeling that that's not the right answer?

**[PRENTISS]** Very good! Spill. Please. Come on, it can't have been worse than my date from hell last night.

**[REID]** You had a date last night? Anyway, it wasn't a disaster. It went quite... well, actually. So, tell me about this nightmare guy.

I grinned, glad that Reid had had a good time. Considering our somewhat rocky start, we're actually pretty good friends now. We hang out a little in our spare time, we have fun. Come to think of it, outside of work, I _mostly_ hang out with the team. I think I can count the number of non work-related close friends I have on one hand. Huh. My entire life really is wrapped up in the job.

Anyway, back to the point. I decided to let JJ in on what I'd found out, I knew that she was itching to know.

**[PRENTISS]** Reid's date went well apparently, thought you might want to know ;) Any idea what's up with Rossi? He seems kind of... distant? Or am I imagining it?

Then a reply to Reid.

**[PRENTISS]** It was awful. In almost every way. He ordered for me (who DOES that?), and I ended up with a completely horrible meal. It was work the next day, so couldn't drink much. He had about six personality disorders I reckon. Didn't shut up about himself all night. Didn't believe me when I said I was an FBI agent (because women can't kick ass apparently). I escaped out the back door.

**[REID]** At least it wasn't the bathroom window this time. Sorry it went badly, guess Garcia's manual isn't doing its job. Do you know what's wrong with Rossi?

**[PRENTISS]** No, but I intend to find out. Will keep you posted.


End file.
